(Above: Maybe what I would look like if I was white, jk, it's the Molly American Girl Doll)
Growing up, I was already confused as a child. I mean I had white parents that didn't look anything like me. I had the smaller Asian eyes, small nose, dark black hair, tan skin. I had nothing that looked like me. My parents tried so hard to make me feel like I belonged though. Remember when American Girl dolls were a thing? (And maybe still are?) Well a lot of my friends had American Girl dolls that looked like them, had their name, same hair color, eye color and shape, same skin tone. Where all I ended up with was a doll that just had my name. She looked nothing like me. I felt sad, like my looks weren't good enough to have a doll of my own. That I could only just share a name because that's what was the most "American" thing about me.
As I grew older, I came to realize that there will never be "someone" like me in main stream media. And so then I turned to Asian media. You know, like Kpop, Kdramas, etc. But even then I wasn't able to relate. Sure the actresses started to look more like me but I couldn't relate to the issues they were going through. Whether it be in the role they were playing, or just their everyday life. For example, how could I possibly relate to anyone in, let's say a, school life romcom. Being a Korean Drama of course the show would take place in a Korean high school. And if you know anything about high school in Korea, it isn't anything like what we have here in the states. The issues a high school girl in Korea might face would be different than the ones I would face. Mostly talking about how the test to get in to college was more crucial and heavy weighted than the SAT/ACT. It was just hard to relate to the obstacles these girls faced.
I also couldn't relate well to the beauty standards of Asia. It was conflicting with the Western beauty standards I was fed growing up. Should I be pale to be more beautiful in Asia? Or remain with my tan that was envied by many girls my age. It was something I couldn't understand because I was getting fed two different conflicting ideals of beauty. Asian girls were supposed to be tiny, delicate, pale. Western girls were supposed to be tall, tan, slim but toned. And yet here I was, somewhere in the awkward middle. Standing at 5'5" with very tan skin, kind of chubby, and just a big old mess.
We need more Asian/Asian Americans in main stream media for these reasons. As America becomes more diverse, it should reflect in our media. We are and never were a homogeneous country. We need Asian American representation period.